Abbyisms, Part X (Christmas Edition)
2008 December 25 | Abbyisms
It’s Christmas morning. The children’s presents have all been opened, and Daddy is opening his gift from Momma, something Alex has known about for months yet managed to keep secret.
Alexander: “Can you believe I kept that secret?”
Daddy: “No, I can’t. Did Abby know? I can’t believe she managed to keep it a secret.”
Momma: “Yes, Abby knew what it was.”
Daddy: “That’s impressive, Abby.”
Abigail: (distracted by her new doll) “Yes.” (pausing, and without looking up) “I forgot about it.”
2008 October 1 | General
Nearly 18 years ago, the Lord blessed me in an incredible way, though I didn’t fully realize it at the time.
Fourteen years ago, that blessing agreed to stay by my side for the rest of our days.
As she mentioned, on that day, I married my best friend. And in more ways than I can list, my life has been blessed by that decision.
Happy anniversary, Jones. Always remember: “I love you too much to argue.”
2008 July 30 | Running Tales Tomfoolery
Shamed by the likes of people who bike to work and challenged by my assistant coach, I have decided to once again give running a try.
(Stop … stop that. Stop. Really. You look ridiculous all doubled over in laughter like that.)
Granted, what I do isn’t exactly “running” at the moment. It’s probably closer to “shuffling.” Perhaps “ambling.” I don’t know. Doesn’t matter. What matters is my assistant coach has convinced me to give the Cadillac Festival of Races 5K Run (PDF) a shot on Labor Day (and boy, will I be laboring — RIMSHOT!) by turning it into a competition, something I have trouble resisting. Since I would have to actually train for this race, it would serve the dual purpose of getting me prepared (or as close to prepared as one can get in a little under five weeks) for the race and providing me with exercise, something I fervently avoid when it doesn’t involve scorekeeping.
(No doubt there are experienced runners reading this all aghast and wondering why I think I can “train” to run a 3.1-mile race in just five weeks. Well, the truth is I can’t train to run a 3.1-mile race in five weeks. I can only train to survive a 3.1-mile race. Which is all I’m trying to do.)
Over the last couple of years, I’ve started and quickly abandoned something called the Couch-to-5K Running Plan, an eight-week method for
torturing unsuspecting fools getting the novice runner to a point where they are capable (allegedly) of running an actual 5K race. It’s designed to help one avoid the typical pitfall that often causes new runners to trip up (pardon the pun) — running too much, too soon. In fact, the first week’s three workouts (there are three per week) call for just a five-minute brisk walking warm-up, followed by 20 minutes of alternating jogging for 60 seconds and walking for 90. On paper, it looks pretty easy.
(Friends, we call the preceding sentence “foreshadowing” in the literary world.)
As I don’t have a personal trainer, and have no better knowledge with regard to training for a 5K than the aforementioned plan, I decided to go with it again. Last night, around 9 p.m., I set out for my first run. Er, shuffle.
Mommaisms, Part I
2008 July 25 | Mommaisms Tomfoolery
The Simon family is in the living room.
Daddy: “Abby, are you wearing a pull-up?”
Abby: “No, underwear.”
Alex: “You are? Let me see!”
Daddy: “Alex, you don’t ever ask any girl if you can see her underwear.”
Momma: “Until you’re married. Then you can ask all you want and it won’t make any difference anyway.”